Articles by our team

Understanding and Supporting Children with Shyness and Social Anxiety
By Kirsten Mar, Provisional Psychologist, BA(Psych), GDipPsych(Adv), MProfPsy
October 2025

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​As children navigate their social worlds, some experience social discomfort, which can be expressed in varying degrees. Shyness and social anxiety are two common emotional responses children might display in social situations, but they are not identical. While shyness can be seen as a normal part of development, social anxiety is a more extreme condition that can significantly impact a child’s daily life.

Shyness ​

Shyness occurs when a child becomes overly focused on themselves and excessively worried about how they are being evaluated socially. It can lead them to pull back, withdraw, avoid, or escape social interactions. ​

Shyness can make social interactions challenging, but it does not usually prevent a child from participating in school or community activities. Although the child feels discomfort and is driven to avoid situations that cause it, shyness itself is primarily about the underlying concern of social judgement. There is nothing wrong with being shy; it is just a way the child responds to the world. 

Social Anxiety

Social anxiety, on the other hand, is when children experience an intense fear of being judged or evaluated by others. This fear can become so overwhelming that it feels beyond a child’s control so it disrupts a child’s ability to engage in everyday activities like attending school, joining extracurricular activities, or making friends. There may also be physical symptoms such as nausea, stomach aches, shaking, and trembling. ​

While shyness can be a part of social anxiety, the avoidance seen in social anxiety is not just about being shy. Instead, it is a learned reaction to certain situations, where the child avoids social interactions to cope with the anxiety, not just a simple urge to pull back or avoid socialising. 

How Can You Support a Shy Child?  ​

• Validate their feelings: Reassure your child that it is normal to have feelings and that you are there to support them. You might say something like, “It looks like you’re feeling a bit nervous because you don’t know anyone at the party. Let’s take a look together before we go in.” 

• Try to not over-comfort your child: Over-comforting children can unintentionally signal that the situation is something to be afraid of. As such, the extra attention can reinforce shy behaviour. 

• Acknowledge and praise moments of ‘brave’ behaviours: Be clear and specific with your praise. For instance, “Rachel, I really liked how you said ‘hi’ to the girl at the park. Did you see how she smiled back at you?” 

• Model confident social behaviour: Children and adolescents learn by example, so always return a greeting when someone says hello to you. ​

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How Can You Support a Child with Social Anxiety?  

• Therapeutic intervention: Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is an evidence-based intervention for treating social anxiety. It helps children identify and modify negative thoughts about social situations and help them gradually face their fears in a support environment.  

• Acknowledge and praise moments of ‘brave’ behaviours: When your child manages to do something that usually makes them anxious, like answering a phone call, recognise their effort with encouraging praise. If others are around, offer quiet support, and save the bigger praise for when you are alone. This helps boost your child’s self-esteem without adding pressure. 

• Create a supportive environment: Encouragement and patience are key, so ensure your child knows they have your support and that it is okay to take their time in overcoming their fears. If your child becomes overwhelmed, do not force them to stay in the situation. Instead, step back and try again later with more preparation and support. 

• Create opportunities to build confidence: Gently support your child in getting involved in group activities, trying new things, and doing tasks in front of others. These experiences help build their confidence and teach them how to cope with situations that may feel uncomfortable. 

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References

• American Psychiatric Association. (2022). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed., text rev.). American Psychiatric Association.  
• Henderson, L., Gilbert, P., & Zimbardo, P. (2014). Shyness, social anxiety, and social phobia. In S. G. Hofmann & P. M. DiBartolo (Eds.), Social anxiety: Clinical, developmental and social perspectives (3rd ed., pp. 95-115). Academic Press. https://doi.org/10.1016/C2011-0-06934-X
• Heiser, N. A., Turner, S. M., Beidel, D. C., & Roberson-Nay, R. (2009). Differentiating social phobia from shyness. Journal of Anxiety Disorders, 23(4), 469–476. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.janxdis.2008.10.002
• Raising Children Network. (n.d.). Shyness in toddlers. Raising Children Network. Retrieved June 13, 2025, from https://raisingchildren.net.au/toddlers/behaviour/common-concerns/shyness ​​
• Raising Children Network. (n.d.). Social anxiety in toddlers. Raising Children Network. Retrieved June 13, 2025, from https://raisingchildren.net.au/toddlers/health-daily-care/mental-health/social-anxiety  

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