School Refusal, What’s Behind the Behaviour?
By Jessica Vitellaro, Provisional Psychologist, MPsych(Clin), MA(Comms), BPsych(Hons), BA(Anthro, IR,Gov), PGCert
September, 2026
By Jessica Vitellaro, Provisional Psychologist, MPsych(Clin), MA(Comms), BPsych(Hons), BA(Anthro, IR,Gov), PGCert
September, 2026
Introduction
School refusal can be a distressing and confusing experience for families. A child or teenager who previously attended school without difficulty may begin experiencing significant distress around attendance, which can present as anxiety, physical complaints, irritability, withdrawal or repeated requests to stay home (Chen et al., 2024).
It can be tempting to view this as defiance or a lack of motivation. However, school refusal is often a sign that a young person is experiencing difficulties that need to be understood. Identifying what is contributing to the problem is an important first step in supporting a return to school (Garfi, 2018).
It can be tempting to view this as defiance or a lack of motivation. However, school refusal is often a sign that a young person is experiencing difficulties that need to be understood. Identifying what is contributing to the problem is an important first step in supporting a return to school (Garfi, 2018).
Understanding the Anxiety–Avoidance cycle
When anxiety is driving school refusal, avoidance can quickly become a cycle. A young person feels anxious about school, stays home and experiences immediate relief. Their brain then learns that avoiding school reduces uncomfortable feelings. The next time school approaches, the anxiety can return even more strongly.
This can be particularly difficult for parents. Seeing your child distressed naturally creates an urge to protect them, but repeatedly avoiding the situation can unintentionally strengthen the anxiety (Tekin & Aydin, 2022).
With the right support, children can gradually return to school at a pace that feels manageable, while learning that it is okay to feel anxiety and that they can cope with those feelings.
This can be particularly difficult for parents. Seeing your child distressed naturally creates an urge to protect them, but repeatedly avoiding the situation can unintentionally strengthen the anxiety (Tekin & Aydin, 2022).
With the right support, children can gradually return to school at a pace that feels manageable, while learning that it is okay to feel anxiety and that they can cope with those feelings.
How parents can respond
Start with curiosity rather than confrontation. Talk when your child is calm and ask, “What feels hardest about school at the moment?” or “What are you most worried might happen?” Listen without immediately trying to fix the problem.
Validate their feelings while communicating confidence in their ability to cope: “I can see this feels really hard, and we’ll work through it together.” Avoid making anxiety the decision-maker. With the right support, gradually returning to school, whether through shorter days, particular classes or a trusted staff member at the gate, can help rebuild confidence.
The aim to help your child experience manageable challenges and learn that they can cope with these challenges (Garfi, 2018).
Validate their feelings while communicating confidence in their ability to cope: “I can see this feels really hard, and we’ll work through it together.” Avoid making anxiety the decision-maker. With the right support, gradually returning to school, whether through shorter days, particular classes or a trusted staff member at the gate, can help rebuild confidence.
The aim to help your child experience manageable challenges and learn that they can cope with these challenges (Garfi, 2018).
Work with the school
Parents do not need to manage school refusal alone. Work with the school to develop a clear, predictable return-to-school plan. Practical adjustments, such as a quieter arrival, a quiet room to regulate their emotions, engage with a trusted staff member or a rebuild attendance via a gradual timetable approach, can make the transition more manageable.
Consistency is important. Children benefit when the adults around them communicate the same message that we understand this is difficult, and we believe the child can manage it.
Consistency is important. Children benefit when the adults around them communicate the same message that we understand this is difficult, and we believe the child can manage it.
When to seek extra support
If school refusal persists or begins affecting your child’s mood, sleep, friendships or daily life, consider speaking with the School Wellbeing Team, GP or Psychologist. Anxiety-management programs and reputable mental health resources can also support families.
Remember, progress does not have to mean returning to school full-time immediately. Small steps can build confidence. With patience, consistency and support, children and teenagers can learn to manage anxiety, reconnect with school and regain a sense of confidence in themselves.
Remember, progress does not have to mean returning to school full-time immediately. Small steps can build confidence. With patience, consistency and support, children and teenagers can learn to manage anxiety, reconnect with school and regain a sense of confidence in themselves.
References
Chen, J., Feleppa, C., Sun, T., Sasagawa, S., Smithson, M., & Leach, L. (2024). School refusal behaviors: The roles of adolescent and parental factors. Behavior Modification, 48(5–6), 561–580. https://doi.org/10.1177/01454455241276414
Garfi, J. (2018). What is school refusal? In J. Garfi (Ed.), Overcoming school refusal: A practical guide for teachers, counsellors, caseworkers and parents (pp. 1–16). Australian Academic Press. https://onesearch.library.uwa.edu.au/nde/fulldisplay/alma991219371002101/61UWA_INST:NDE_UWA?lang=en
Heyne, D., & King, N. J. (2004). Treatment of school refusal. In P. M. Barrett & T. H. Ollendick (Eds.), Handbook of interventions that work with children and adolescents: Prevention and treatment (pp. 243–272). Wiley. https://books.google.com.au/books?hl=en&lr=&id=M5C8wqyOgTwC&oi=fnd&pg=PA243&dq=school+refusal+gradual+timetable&ots=6dz9egf0v1&sig=cLrMMkLTwNupxvInhfSn29Mt-Mo#v=onepage&q&f=false
Tekin, I., & Aydın, S. (2022). School refusal and anxiety among children and adolescents: A systematic scoping review. New Directions for Child and Adolescent Development, 2022, 43–65. https://doi.org/10.1002/cad.20484
Garfi, J. (2018). What is school refusal? In J. Garfi (Ed.), Overcoming school refusal: A practical guide for teachers, counsellors, caseworkers and parents (pp. 1–16). Australian Academic Press. https://onesearch.library.uwa.edu.au/nde/fulldisplay/alma991219371002101/61UWA_INST:NDE_UWA?lang=en
Heyne, D., & King, N. J. (2004). Treatment of school refusal. In P. M. Barrett & T. H. Ollendick (Eds.), Handbook of interventions that work with children and adolescents: Prevention and treatment (pp. 243–272). Wiley. https://books.google.com.au/books?hl=en&lr=&id=M5C8wqyOgTwC&oi=fnd&pg=PA243&dq=school+refusal+gradual+timetable&ots=6dz9egf0v1&sig=cLrMMkLTwNupxvInhfSn29Mt-Mo#v=onepage&q&f=false
Tekin, I., & Aydın, S. (2022). School refusal and anxiety among children and adolescents: A systematic scoping review. New Directions for Child and Adolescent Development, 2022, 43–65. https://doi.org/10.1002/cad.20484