Friendships in Childhood and Developing Social Skills
By Laura Heo, Provisional Psychologist GradDip (Psych), MProfPsy
April 2025
By Laura Heo, Provisional Psychologist GradDip (Psych), MProfPsy
April 2025
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Some children seem to make friends everywhere they go, while others find it harder to make or keep friends. As a parent or carer, this can be difficult to watch because we know how important friendships are. Fortunately, many of the social skills required to make and keep friends can be taught. Research also shows that a child doesn’t need dozens of friends – just one or two is enough to have a positive effect
Benefits of friendships Childhood friendships are very well researched. So, what are the benefits of friendship in childhood? Friendships:
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Difficulties with Friendships
Why do some kids struggle to keep friends?
Friendship troubles are a normal part of a child’s social development as they learn how to establish healthy relationships. However, some children have specific challenges with making or keeping friends.
Friendship troubles are a normal part of a child’s social development as they learn how to establish healthy relationships. However, some children have specific challenges with making or keeping friends.
- Challenging behaviours: behaviours like impulsivity and acting on a strong sense of justice can make it difficult for children to resolve conflict or find compromises.
- Anxiety: children who have a fear of rejection or people-pleasing tendencies may not express themselves openly in friendships and struggle to make genuine friends. Additionally, they may become hypersensitive to any perceived rejection.
- Interpersonal approaches: rigidity and difficulty taking another’s perspective can make it hard for children to empathise with others and forge genuine connections.
How parents and carers can help their kids practise social skills
There are many things parents and carers can do to support their children in establishing and strengthening their friendships.
- Model positive friendships: Children learn a lot about friendships from the grown ups around them. You can model ideal behaviours by speaking positively about your own friends.
- Ask kids about their friends: Show your kids that you are interested in their friendships. Take time to learn who their friends are, what they like doing together, and listen to their stories.
- Practice during play: Play is a fantastic opportunity to practice social skills like taking turns, communicating your needs and feelings, and listening. You can also model how to lose in games. With younger kids it can help to verbally express how a child’s behaviour makes you feel (e.g. “when you knock over my tower, it makes me feel sad”).
- Model repairing a relationship: Saying sorry is a skill that kids need help to learn. You can show your child how to apologise when your make a mistake (e.g. “I’m sorry for raising my voice at you at dinner”).
- Look for opportunities in new environments: If your child struggles with friendships at school, they may benefit from meeting new friends in another social environment such as a local sports team.
- Don’t pressure them: one good friendship is enough!
If you think your child would benefit from some specific social skills training, the Child Development Clinic regularly runs the Stop Think Do program. This program gives children opportunities to learn and practice social skills in a safe and supportive group environment. This program is suitable for children with ADHD, ODD, ASD, anxiety and/or depression.
Click here to read about our group programs and see what is currently available.
Click here to read about our group programs and see what is currently available.
References
Baumeister, R. F. , & Leary, M. R. (1995). The need to belong: Desire for interpersonal attachments as a fundamental human motivation. Psychological Bulletin, 117, 497–529. 10.1037/0033-2909.117.3.497
Bollmer, J. M., Milich, R., Harris, M. J., & Maras, M. A. (2005). A Friend in Need. Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 20(6), 701–712. doi:10.1177/0886260504272897
Glick, G. C., & Rose, A. J. (2011). Prospective associations between friendship adjustment and social strategies: Friendship as a context for building social skills. Developmental Psychology, 47(4), 1117–1132. doi:10.1037/a0023277
Rubin, K., Fredstrom, B., & Bowker, J. (2008). Future Directions in…Friendship in Childhood and Early Adolescence. Social development (Oxford, England), 17(4), 1085–1096. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-9507.2007.00445.
Sakyi, K. S., Surkan, P. J., Fombonne, E., Chollet, A., & Melchior, M. (2015). Childhood friendships and psychological difficulties in young adulthood: an 18-year follow-up study. European Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, 24, 815-826.
Baumeister, R. F. , & Leary, M. R. (1995). The need to belong: Desire for interpersonal attachments as a fundamental human motivation. Psychological Bulletin, 117, 497–529. 10.1037/0033-2909.117.3.497
Bollmer, J. M., Milich, R., Harris, M. J., & Maras, M. A. (2005). A Friend in Need. Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 20(6), 701–712. doi:10.1177/0886260504272897
Glick, G. C., & Rose, A. J. (2011). Prospective associations between friendship adjustment and social strategies: Friendship as a context for building social skills. Developmental Psychology, 47(4), 1117–1132. doi:10.1037/a0023277
Rubin, K., Fredstrom, B., & Bowker, J. (2008). Future Directions in…Friendship in Childhood and Early Adolescence. Social development (Oxford, England), 17(4), 1085–1096. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-9507.2007.00445.
Sakyi, K. S., Surkan, P. J., Fombonne, E., Chollet, A., & Melchior, M. (2015). Childhood friendships and psychological difficulties in young adulthood: an 18-year follow-up study. European Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, 24, 815-826.